Forgiveness is hard but goes a long way
I have witnessed the effects of separation and divorce on children. I have spoke to clients and observed the hurt their unit has suffered from their experience with separation and divorce. As a child of divorce I have experienced this hurt, pain and confusion first hand. As a divorcee I've learned that the pain that comes along with this territory is a pain that can be mended with forgiveness and little love for self and our children. Selfishness the opposite of love. Love is open selfishness is closed. Some parents allow the hate, and hurt of separation and divorce to cause bitterness, resentment, the want for revenge which in turn causes the person and the children additional pain. If we can take the focus off of ourselves and place it on the child we are raising, or if we take the focus off the pain of the situation and WILL forgiveness, we can heal and move forward. -Love covers a multitude of things. You are enough, you are needed, you are loved. Just because they did not love you or one area of your life did not go as planned life does not have to stop. Never stop living, as long as there is breath in your lungs there is purpose in your life! So, take a breath (time to get self together), Forgive (them and yourself), evaluate your situation (find the lesson), remember who you are (there is greatness inside of you), encourage yourself and move forward.
We hinder our growth and progression when we play the winning game and refuse to forgive. FORGIVENESS IS HARD, BUT we need to learn n move forward. If we don't forgive we can't be forgiven. When we don't forgive we can become stuck in a moment, we can go on living but this unforgiveness is now a wired trigger in you brain. We hurt ourselves and in the case of separation and divorce, children are hurt the most. They see, they protect, they choose. You can talk all day but most children are in pleasing mode and provide feedback accordingly.
Life will be what life will be. We will have our own views and perspectives as to how things happened; and even expect the other person to be ok with it. So, what do we do, how do we move forward?
What to do
Live, Listen, and Learn in order to move forward and set a better example. Forgive and move forward (Forgiving does not mean the other person wins or you allow them to continuously mistreat you). Healing happens in a forward movement. Applying the past as a healing ointment to unveil a beautiful future. Remaining in a state where we refuse to forgive due to lack of closure, hurts and pain causes continued pain, breaking and dismemberment. In the end we cannot be a whole person. Broken pieces can only offer a broken piece. If I am not whole I cannot offer all of me to my child, family, friends, SELF.
FORGIVENESS CAN BE HARD: PRACTICE PRODUCES PRUDENCE.
In the end we have all been forgiven, some, for more than we are refusing to forgive. Who are we not to Forgive?
Bless your enemies. Don't pay evil 4 evil. Live in peace. Don't avenge self, God's got u. Be not overcome w evil, but overcome evil w good. Rom 12:17-21
Grow, Gain, Get better